i feel disgusting

hi, this is a throw away account because well obvious reasons. (if the grammar is bad pls ignore i literally just woke up). okay so i am currently on vacation at my familys beach house. the only adult here is my 21 year old cousin, she basically told us to do whatever and not burn the house down and we could just have fun. 2 of my friends are here, roxie who is my bestfriend and alyssa who is a close friend, of mine and roxie. so fast forward, last night we get really drunk, well roxie and i were really drunk but lyss only had 2 shots so she was tipsy (it was her first time drinking). roxie had been mentioning all day that she wanted to scissor or eat each other out tonight. i honestly thought she was kidding so i would joke back to her and be like "oh yeah lets" but then burst out laughing. (im a lesbian btw she has a boyfriend and is straight). while we were out on the boardwalk she mentioned it again and this is when i realized she was being serious and i was like "uhm no i think thats kinda weird, and you have a boyfriend" but she kept insisting we had to because she was really horny. we get home after being out and lyssa was laying on the couch downstairs on the phone with her dad, and roxie and i were laying upstairs. roxie comes over to me and takes her underwear off, i asked her to stop and said that even if i wanted to, we were too drunk to do anything. she then grabbed my phone and started watching porn on reddit. i got up to leave the room but she pulled me back on to the bed and jumped on top of me. she was practically yelling at me to make out with her and while i was saying no she just started kissing me. she started pulling my shirt up but i grabbed her hands before she could fully get it off. she then started pulling my pants off but i flipped her over and put them back on. she wouldn't stop touching me after i told her to stop and then she started yelling and my cousin was sleeping so i asked her to be quiet and she said she would only be quiet if i ate her out/fingered her. she said that either i fingered her or she fingered me. at this point i was crying and begging her to just go to her own bed. i just wanted her to stop touching me because she was licking me and biting me everywhere so i just started fingering her and eating her out. she made me do it for 20 minutes, everytime i would stop she would shove my head down. she said that she had brought "toys" and started fucking herself with the dildo, when she did this i got up and she pulled me back down and said i couldn't stop until she finished. she then asked if i would suck her boobs but i said "isnt this enough?" and she said "for now" and that i was doing so good. when she was cummming she was screaming and shaking and i told her to bite down on something so lyssa and my cousin didnt hear. when she was done she went to the bathroom to pee and layed in her own bed. she then looked at me and said "holy shit that was really good. well now i know i can come to you when i need a good O" and then went downstairs with lyssa because i told her i was tired and going to bed. please dont be mean in the comments im only 15. this is a copy from the post i made in a different sub where i didnt really get any responses, i am now home from vacation. i keep getting flashbacks to this night (which was about 40 hours ago now) i am physically ill everytime i think about it. i had a panic attack when i tried to journal about it. i am so fucking confused. i feel like i am blowing this all out of proportion. i told my friend (saying it was my friends story and totally un involving myself and she said "aw im so sorry your friend was raped" i dont know what to think. i just needed to talk. thank you if you read all of this.